ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
