I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
