I should be sponsored by Trojan
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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