i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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