This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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