After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
