happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
