fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
