Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
