So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
