i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
