Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
