I wish I only lived at night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
