There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
