His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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