I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
