god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
