My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize