Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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