im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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