Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
