yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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