He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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