Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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