Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
