I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You left your phone here
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