i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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