True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
