the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
