i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
