For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
