Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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