someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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