Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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