I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
