just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
