bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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