Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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