I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
