Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
