Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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