I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
