very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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