cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
