Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
