I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
