Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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