I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize