Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
