She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
