what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
