just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
