Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
