I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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