my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
