Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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