apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
