Dignity is for republicans.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
