My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
