i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
