with your own penis?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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