In the future we'll all be gay
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize