wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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