i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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