I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
