anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
