i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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