fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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