I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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