Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
