so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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