She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
