Moan for me like Helen Keller
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
