i think my mom watched the whole time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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