I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How naked do you want me to be?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
