she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
