you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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