cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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