i don't like sucking hair
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize