No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
two words: eviction party
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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