you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
