My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
