We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
