Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
