Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize