this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
