I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
