And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
