do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
