Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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