my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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