You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
