im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
