he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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