I just saw a hot homeless man
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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