I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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