i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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