and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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