just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
