Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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