finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
