Me too!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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