He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
